ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
