We're facebook friends in real life
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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