dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
