escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
