HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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