Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize