I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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