Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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