my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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