If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
