So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
