We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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