I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
