I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
