Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
