i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
