Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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