Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize