I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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