I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
