Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
