I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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