so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
