Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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