I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
