a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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