Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
