Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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