shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize