so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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