Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
