She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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