It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
