; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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