No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
