Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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