I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
