After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
