I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
