Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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