I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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