i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
