i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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