I am puke
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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