I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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