kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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