i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
