When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
