Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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