And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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