I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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