YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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