He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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