Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
