what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have post one night stand depression
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
