Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
