Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
