I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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