I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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