I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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