I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
