I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
