Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
