im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
