idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
