don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
