Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
