I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
