What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
