so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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