help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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