My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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