Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
