ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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