so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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