miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
