Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
