You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
