You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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