I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
