I think I won the penis lottery.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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