Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
