Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
