How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize