I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
