Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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