i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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