This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Panties = found
Randomize
