suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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