first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
