There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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