I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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