Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
