the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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