how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
