There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
