Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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