it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
