I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
