Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
