I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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