be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also, beer. Big fan.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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