its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
