What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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