Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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