y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
