I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
