so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
