can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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