Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize